- Imindeni ehlanganisa izizukulwane ezahlukene iyanda ngenxa yokungabi sesimweni esihle, okuqinisa indima ebalulekile yogogo nomkhulu ekunakekeleni nasekusekeleni ngokwezomnotho.
- Ukuhlalisana kwezizukulwane ezahlukene kuletha izinzuzo, kodwa kudinga izivumelwano ezicacile ukuze kugwenywe ukunqwabelana ngokweqile, izingxabano, kanye nokuxhashazwa, ikakhulukazi uma kunezingane ezindala ekhaya.
- Amaphethini emizwa adluliselwa ezizukulwaneni ngezizukulwane; ukuwabona nokubeka imingcele enempilo kubalulekile ukuze kugwenywe ukuphindaphinda ukungasebenzi kahle.
- Ubudlelwano phakathi kwezizukulwane ezahlukene ngaphandle komndeni bunciphisa isizungu, ukushintshana ngolwazi, kanye nemibono yokulwa, uma nje kunezindawo ezenzelwe amaqembu ahlukahlukene eminyaka.
Ukuhlalisana kwezizukulwane ngaphakathi komndeni ofanayo akukaze kube nzima kangaka, futhi ngesikhathi esifanayo, kube yinkimbinkimbi njengoba kunjalo namuhla. Ogogo nomkhulu banakekela abazukulu babo nsuku zonke, izingane ezindala ezibuyela ekhaya labazali bazo ngenxa yobunzima bezezimali, imindeni lapho izizukulwane ezintathu noma ezine zihlala ndawonye… Konke lokhu kudala inethiwekhi yokusekelana nothando, kodwa kungadala nokungezwani, izingxabano, kanye nesidingo… sungula imingcele ecacile yezizukulwane ezahlukene.
Ukuqonda ukuthi lobu budlelwano phakathi kogogo nomkhulu, abazali, izingane kanye nabazukulu bakheke kanjani kubalulekile ekuvikeleni inhlalakahle yawo wonke amalungu omndeni. Isayensi yezenhlalo ikhombisile ukuthi imindeni yezizukulwane ezahlukene ivame ukuba yimpendulo yokungavikeleki emsebenzini, izindleko zezindlu, kanye nokuntuleka kwezinsizakalo zokunakekelwa komphakathi, kodwa futhi yindawo lapho amaphethini emizwa azuzwe njengefa kusukela esizukulwaneni kuya kwesinye ephindaphindwa khona. Ngesikhathi esifanayo, ubudlelwano bezizukulwane ezahlukene—ngaphakathi nangaphandle komndeni—buletha izinzuzo ezinkulu: buqinisa ubumbano, bunciphisa isizungu phakathi kwabantu asebekhulile, futhi buvumela izingane nentsha ukuthi bakhule bexhumana nezinye izinto zokuphila.
Ukukhula kwemindeni ehlanganisa izizukulwane ezahlukene kanye nendima yogogo nomkhulu.
Emashumini eminyaka amuva nje, kube nokwanda okuphawulekayo emindenini lapho ogogo nomkhulu nabazukulu behlala khona ngaphansi kophahla olufanayo, okwakha lokho okubizwa ngokuthi amayunithi omndeni wezizukulwane eziningi. Lesi simo sihlobene nezinguquko zabantu ezifana nokwehla kwamazinga okuzala, ukubambezeleka komshado, kanye nokwanda kwesikhathi sokuphila, okusho ukuthi izingane zanamuhla zinamathuba amaningi okukhula nogogo nomkhulu abaphilayo nabakhuthele.
Ogogo nomkhulu bayaqhubeka bewumthombo oyinhloko wokusekelwa ngezinto ezibonakalayo, kwezokuhlela, nangokomzwelo, kodwa indima yabo iyashintsha. Ngokwesibonelo, kucatshangwa ukuthi owesifazane oba ugogo eneminyaka engu-65 ngokuvamile uzoba nabazukulu abambalwa kunezizukulwane zangaphambilini, kodwa uzokwazi ukulandela ukukhula kwabo iminyaka engaphezu kwamashumi amabili ngokwesilinganiso. Ngaphezu kokuphila isikhathi eside, lesi sizukulwane sogogo nomkhulu sivame ukutholakala kakhudlwana, sinempilo engcono, futhi sikhona kakhulu ekuphileni kwansuku zonke kwabazukulu babo—njengabanakekeli bansuku zonke, ukwesekwa ngokwezimali, noma, kwezinye izimo, ngisho nokuba yinhloko yekhaya.
Lesi simo asigcini ezweni elilodwa kuphela; cishe kuyo yonke imiphakathi ethuthukile, ogogo nomkhulu babonakala njengabo "Insika yesithathu" yokunakekelwa kwezingane. Bangowesibili kuphela kubazali kanye nezinsizakalo zemfundo nokunakekelwa okusemthethweni, kodwa uhlobo lokubamba iqhaza luyahlukahluka kuye ngesifunda. Emazweni amaningi asenyakatho yeYurophu, kuvame kakhulu ukuthi ogogo nomkhulu banikeze usizo ngokuxhumana njalo, kodwa ngaphandle kokuhlala nezingane nabazukulu. Eningizimu nasempumalanga yeYurophu, ukuhlala ndawonye kwezizukulwane kuvame kakhulu, okusho ukuthi wonke umuntu uhlala ndawonye.
Izimbangela zalokhu kungezwani kwezifunda zisaphikiswana. Abanye abacwaningi bakhomba imikhuba yamasiko yokunamathelana okuqinile komndeni—ngezinye izikhathi okubizwa ngokuthi ubuzwe—eyazisa izizukulwane eziningi ezihlala ekhaya elifanayo. Ezinye izifundo ziqokomisa indima yesimo senhlalakahle: lapho kunezinsizakalo zomphakathi ezimbalwa zokunakekelwa kwezingane nokunakekelwa kwabadala, imindeni igcina ithembele kakhulu ekusekelweni kogogo nomkhulu kanye nokuhlala ndawonye.
Uma kuhlaziywa umongo wamazwe anezinqubomgomo zomndeni ezibuthakathaka, imakethe yezisebenzi ehlukene, kanye nobunzima bokuthola izindlu, kuba sobala ukuthi kungani imindeni yezizukulwane ezahlukene ivame kangaka. Uma sibheka izinhlolovo zakamuva zabantu abaneminyaka yokusebenza, kusobala ukuthi iphesenti elikhulu lemindeni enezingane ezingaphansi kweminyaka eyi-16 lifaka okungenani ugogo nomkhulu oyedwa ophilayo. Eminyakeni yamuva nje, cishe u-6% wayo yonke imindeni yayinezizukulwane ezahlukene, kodwa uma sibheka kuphela amakhaya lapho kuhlala khona ingane noma intsha, cishe eyodwa kweyisikhombisa ihlanganisa ogogo nomkhulu, futhi leli nani liye landa.
Ubhubhane lwe-COVID-19 lusebenze njengesisheshisi salo mkhuba wokuhlukahluka kwezizukulwane. Imindeni eminingi yahlela kabusha amakhaya ayo okwesikhashana ukuze ibhekane nezidingo zokunakekela noma ukulahlekelwa yimali engenayo. Lokho okwaqala njengesixazululo esiphuthumayo kuye kwaqhubeka, kuqhutshwa yingcindezi evela emakethe yezindlu, ukungazinzi kwemisebenzi, kanye nokuntuleka kwezindlela zokulinganisela phakathi komsebenzi nokuphila.
Imindeni esengozini, ukuba ngumzali oyedwa, kanye nokufuduka.
Ukuba khona kogogo nomkhulu endlini efanayo kuvame kakhulu emindenini ebhekene nobunzima obukhulu bezomnotho nokunakekela. Emindenini enomzali oyedwa enezingane ezincane, izinga lokuhlala ndawonye nogogo nomkhulu liphakeme kaningana kunemindeni enabazali ababili. Ngokwezinto ezingokoqobo, nakuba ingxenye encane kakhulu yemindeni enabazali ababili ihlala nogogo nomkhulu, ingxenye ikhuphuka cishe ibe yingxenye yesithathu noma ngaphezulu phakathi kwemindeni eholwa umuntu omdala oyedwa kuphela.
Lokhu kungafani kugqamisa indlela ubumbano phakathi kwezizukulwane oluba ngayo enye indlela yokuphepha, ikakhulukazi komama abangabodwa abanezingane ezincane. Ogogo nomkhulu baba yisisekelo ekunakekelweni kwansuku zonke (ukuhambisa izingane esikoleni nokubuya nazo, ukulungiselela ukudla, ukuhamba nazo lapho zigula) kanye nokusekelwa ngokwezimali, ngokomzwelo, ngisho nangokwezindlu. Lapho imali engenayo inganele noma izinsizakalo zokusekela umphakathi zingekho, ukuhlala ndawonye kwezizukulwane kuyayeka ukuba "inketho yothando" noma yamasiko kuphela bese kuba isu lokusinda.
Kukhona futhi amathuba aphezulu okuhlala ndawonye phakathi kwemindeni yabantu abafudukayo noma abantu abavela kwamanye amazwe. Emindenini lapho wonke amalungu engowozalo lwendabuko, iphesenti lamakhaya anogogo nomkhulu abahlala ndawonye liphansi. Kodwa-ke, leli nani liyakhuphuka emindenini lapho abantu bomdabu kanye nabangaphandle behlala ndawonye, futhi liphezulu nakakhulu phakathi kwezizukulwane zesizukulwane sesibili. Lokhu kubonisa ukuthi amaqembu ahlushwa kakhulu ukungabi nethemba kanye nezithiyo zokufinyelela izinsiza ezisemthethweni aphendukela kakhulu ekuhlaleni ndawonye nesizukulwane esidala.
Izinga lemfundo—isibonakaliso esibanzi sesimo sezenhlalo nezomnotho—liphawula omunye umngcele ocacile emathubeni okuhlala nogogo nomkhulu. Imindeni lapho kungekho muntu omdala onemfundo ephakeme khona inezinga eliphezulu lemindeni ehlanganisa izizukulwane ezahlukene kunemindeni enemfundo yaseyunivesithi. Kalula nje: lapho isimo senhlalo nezomnotho somndeni sisengozini enkulu, kulapho ukuthambekela kokwabelana ngekhaya nogogo nomkhulu kuba kukhulu, okuqinisa umqondo wokuthi ukuhlala ndawonye, ngaphezu kwakho konke, kuyimpendulo ehlelekile yokungalingani.
Umehluko wendawo ubonakala kakhulu uma ubheka amaphesenti emindeni ehlanganisa izizukulwane ngezifunda. Kunemiphakathi lapho cishe ingxenye yesithathu yemindeni enezingane ezincane ihlanganyela ikhaya nogogo nomkhulu, kanti kwezinye lezo zilinganiso zehla ziye kumanani angawodwa. Ngokuthakazelisayo, lokhu kuhlukahluka akuchaziwe kuphela ngokuxinana kwabantu noma amazinga okuguga. Ubuhlobo obuhlala njalo buvela phakathi kwamazinga obumpofu bezingane kanye nokusabalala kokuhlalisana kwezizukulwane: lapho izingane zibhekene nengozi enkulu yobumpofu, kuvame kakhulu ukuthola ogogo nomkhulu abahlala nabazukulu ukuze bakhokhele ukuntuleka kwezinsiza.
Konke lokhu kubonisa kokubili ukuzivumelanisa nezimo okumangalisayo kwemindeni kanye nokulinganiselwa kohlelo lokuvikelwa komphakathi olunikeza eminye yemisebenzi yalo ubumbano lomndeni. Nsuku zonke, izigidi zezingane zikhula ezizukulwaneni ngezizukulwane, zisekelwa yileli nethiwekhi elithule logogo nomkhulu abasekela futhi benze kube nokwenzeka ukwenza isimiso somndeni, ngokuvamile ngaphandle kokuqashelwa yizikhungo noma ukuvikelwa okwanele.
Ukukhulisa ugogo nomkhulu: amathuba kanye nezingxabano
Enye yezindima ezivame kakhulu ezidlalwa ogogo nomkhulu lapho sebethathe umhlalaphansi ukunakekela abazukulu babo njalo, ngamazinga ahlukahlukene okuqina. Kwabanye, lokhu kusho ukuchitha intambama ngesonto nezingane noma ukuthatha izingane esikoleni ngezikhathi ezithile; kwabanye, kuhilela izinsuku eziphelele zokunakekela izingane ukuze abazali bakwazi ukusebenza noma ukufunda isikhathi esigcwele.
Ogogo nomkhulu abaningi bachaza lokhu kuxhumana okujulile nabazukulu babo njengento ezuzisa kakhulu, kodwa lokhu akuqedi izinselele ezingase zivele. Uma umuntu osekhulile ehlala endlini efanayo nabazukulu bakhe, noma yikuphi ukungavumelani kuvame ukuba nemiphumela ebanzi: akusibo nje ubuhlobo obungokomzwelo obuwohlokayo, kodwa futhi nokuhleleka kwekhaya ngokwalo, ukulondeka kwezezimali, futhi, ezimweni ezimbi kakhulu, inhlalakahle engokomzwelo nengokomzimba yabantu asebekhulile.
Inkinga ephindaphindayo umuzwa wokukhungatheka noma ukucindezelwa ukuthatha imisebenzi eminingi yokunakekela kunaleyo okwakuvunyelwene ngayo ekuqaleni. Umkhulu angase anikele ukusiza "ngezikhathi ezithile" futhi, ngaphandle kokuqaphela, agcine enakekela abazukulu bakhe izinsuku eziningana ngesonto, eyeka amaholide, imisebenzi yesikhashana, noma imisebenzi yokuzithandela ngoba enomuzwa wokuthi akanakuphoxa umndeni wakhe. Ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, lokhu kuholela ekukhathaleni, ekukhungathekeni, futhi ngokuvamile... izingxabano zomndeni.
Esinye isici sokucindezeleka yizindleko ezihambisana nokunakekelwa kwezingane: ezokuhamba, ukudla, ukuzijabulisa, kanye nemisebenzi ngesikhathi samaholide esikole. Uma ogogo nomkhulu benomuzwa wokuthi kufanele bathathe izindleko abangenakukwazi ukuzikhokhela, noma ukuthi ukuphana kwabo kuthathwa njengesibopho, kuvame ukuvela inzondo. Kulezi zimo, ukungabikho kwezivumelwano ezicacile mayelana nokuthi ubani okhokhela lokho okudala ukungaqondani okuphazamisa ubuhlobo.
Umehluko we isitayela semfundo Ukujezisa kanye nokungezwani phakathi kogogo nomkhulu nabazali mhlawumbe kungenye yezindawo ezivame kakhulu zokungezwani. Ogogo nomkhulu bangase bazizwe bengahlonishwa abazukulu babo uma bebona ukuntuleka kwemikhuba noma imingcele, kuyilapho abazali bona bengase bachaze ukugxeka kogogo nomkhulu njengokuhlambalaza indlela yabo yokukhulisa izingane. Uma kungekho muntu oxoxa ngokukhululekile ngokulindelwe kanye nemithetho, noma yikuphi ukungavumelani okuncane ngesijeziso noma umvuzo kungakhula kube yizingxabano ezinkulu zomndeni.
Ezimweni lapho ukunakekelwa kwabazukulu kuhlobene ngqo nokuhlala ndawonye—isibonelo, lapho abazali nezingane ezindala behlala endlini efanayo—kubalulekile ukucabanga kusengaphambili ngalokho okuzokwenzeka lapho umkhulu engasakwazi ukunikeza usizo ngamandla afanayo. Uma umkhulu egula, eguga, noma abazukulu bekhula nje futhi bedinga ukugadwa okuncane, kubalulekile ukuthi wonke umuntu azi ukuthi ukuba khona komuntu osekhulile endlini kuzoqhubeka nokwamukelwa futhi ngaphansi kwaziphi izimo.
Ukwabelana ngekhaya nezingane ezindala: izingozi nezivumelwano ezidingekayo
Olunye uhlobo oluvame kakhulu lokuphila phakathi kwezizukulwane ukuhlanganyela indlu phakathi kwabantu asebekhulile nezingane zabo ezindala, abanabazukulu noma abangenabo. Ezimweni eziningi, kuyinqubo yamasiko noma ilungiselelo elenzelwe ukusekela umuntu osekhulile (othola ubungane nosizo) kanye nengane (eyonga imali ngenkathi ifunda noma izama ukuzinzisa isimo sayo sezezimali).
Ubhubhane lwe-COVID-19 lwandise lokhu kubuyela kwezingane ezindala emakhaya abazali bazo. Emazweni amaningana, ucwaningo lwembule ukuthi ingxenye enkulu yabantu abaneminyaka engu-50-59 babenezingane ezindala ezihlala emakhaya futhi ngo-2020. Ukuvalwa kwemingcele, ukulahlekelwa yimisebenzi, ubunzima bokukhokha irenti noma imali mboleko yezindlu, kanye nokuphela kwesikhashana kwamaphrojekthi aphesheya kuholele intsha eningi ukuba ibuyele emakhaya abazali bayo njengesixazululo esisebenza kahle kakhulu.
Uma ubuhlobo buphilile futhi buhlala isikhathi esifushane, lolu hlobo lokuhlelwa lungasebenza ngaphandle kwezinkinga ezinkulu. Kodwa-ke, ezimweni lapho ingane endala ibhekene nezinkinga zokusebenzisa kabi izidakamizwa, ukugembula okubangelwa izifo, izinkinga zempilo yengqondo ezingalashwanga, noma izimo ezibuhlungu (njengobudlova basekhaya noma ukuwohloka komshado okuxakayo), ukuhlala ndawonye kungaba yingozi kumuntu osekhulile, kokubili ngokomzwelo nangokwezomnotho.
Ezimweni ezimbi kakhulu, ingane esikhulile ingase ihlukumeze umzali osekhulile ngokwengqondo, ngokwezomnotho, noma ngokomzimba. Kulezi zimo, inselele kumuntu omdala inkulu kakhulu: ngakolunye uhlangothi, bafuna ukusiza ingane ehluphekayo ngokusobala; ngakolunye uhlangothi, badinga ukuvikela ukuphepha kwabo kanye nelungelo lendawo yasekhaya engenabo ubudlova. Lokhu kungezwani phakathi kothando nokuzivikela kwenza kube nzima kakhulu ukwenza izinqumo eziqinile, njengokucela ingane ukuba iphume.
Ngakho-ke ukubaluleka kwezivumelwano zomndeni ezicacile kusukela ekuqaleni kokuhlalisana. Ukusungula, ngokubhala noma ngomlomo kodwa ngokusobala, isikhathi esilindelekile sokuhlala, umnikelo wezezimali wengane ezindlekweni zasekhaya, ukwahlukaniswa kwemisebenzi yasekhaya, inhlonipho ngezindawo zangasese zendlu, kanye nemithetho ephathelene nokuvakasha, utshwala, ugwayi, noma ezinye izinto kusiza ukuvimbela izingxabano zesikhathi esizayo. Kubalulekile futhi ukuvumelana ngokuthi kuzokwenzekani uma imithetho yephulwa, okuhlanganisa nezinsuku zokugcina zokuba ilungu lomndeni liphume endlini.
Abantu asebekhulile banelungelo, ngaphansi kwanoma yiziphi izimo, lokunquma ukuthi obani abahlala emakhaya abo. Uma isivumelwano sehluleka, uma ingane yenqaba ukubambisana noma iba nolaka, kungadingeka ukuthi kusetshenziswe izinsizakalo zomthetho, ukulamula umndeni, noma ngisho nemiyalelo yokuvikela udlame lwasekhaya, kuye ngokuthi lubucayi kangakanani. Kuyinqubo ebuhlungu, kodwa ngezinye izikhathi ibalulekile ukuqinisekisa ukuphepha komuntu osekhulile.
Kubalulekile futhi ukuthi, lapho ingane ibuya ekhaya ngenxa yezinkinga ezinkulu, ithole ukwesekwa okukhethekile ngaphandle komndeni. Ukwelashwa ngempilo yengqondo, izinhlelo zokulutheka, amaqembu okusekela ukugembula okunenkinga, noma izinsizakalo zomphakathi ezikhethekile kubalulekile ukuze umthwalo wokululama ungaweli kumzali osekhulile kuphela, ongakwazi ukuhlangabezana nazo zonke lezi zidingo yedwa.
Amaphethini ezizukulwane ezahlukene: lokho okuziphindayo ezizukulwaneni ngezizukulwane
Ngale kwezici ezibonakalayo nezingokoqobo, ukuhlala ndawonye phakathi kwezizukulwane kuyindawo lapho amaphethini emizwa, izinkolelo, kanye nezitayela zobudlelwano kudluliselwa khona emashumini eminyaka. Lokhu sikubiza ngokuthi amaphethini ezizukulwane ezahlukene: ukulandelana kokuziphatha kanye nokuguquguquka kwemizwa okuphindaphindiwe kusukela kogogo nomkhulu kuya kubazali kanye nokusuka kubazali kuya ezinganeni, ngokuvamile ngaphandle kokuthi umuntu aqaphele ngamabomu ukuthi baphinda indaba endala.
Udokotela wezifo zengqondo uMurray Bowen uchaze lesi simo "njengenqubo yokudluliselana kwezizukulwane eziningi". Kuye, lokho okuzuza njengefa akuzona nje izakhi zofuzo, kodwa ngaphezu kwakho konke, amazinga okwehluka ngokomzwelo: ikhono lomuntu ngamunye analo lokuhlukanisa lokho akucabangayo nalokho akuzwayo nokugcina ukwahlulela kwakhe ngisho nangaphansi kwengcindezi yomndeni. Imindeni enekwehluka okuphansi ivame ukuphinda amaphethini athile angasebenzi kahle kakhulu.
Udokotela wezifo zengqondo uVirginia Satir wagcwalisa lo mbono ngokugqamisa ukuthi imindeni ayidluliseli nje kuphela izindinganiso ezicacile, kodwa futhi nemithetho engabonakali mayelana nemizwa, ukuxhumana, kanye nezingxabano. Isibonelo, imithetho efana nokuthi “ungakhulumi ngemali,” “ungakhali esidlangalaleni,” noma “ungabhekani negunya” ingaba namandla futhi ibeke imingcele njenganoma iyiphi indlela eshiwo, futhi ivame ukuqhubeka isuka kwesinye isizukulwane iye kwesinye.
Ezinye izibonelo ezivamile ze amaphethini ezizukulwane ezahlukene Lokhu kufaka phakathi ukugwema izingxabano ngendlela ehlelekile, ukwenza kube lula ukulutha, ukukhulisa izingane, ukunganakwa ngokomzwelo, ukuhlangana ngokweqile phakathi kwamalungu omndeni, kanye nokwenza ubudlova bube semthethweni njengendlela yokuyala. Ezimweni eziningi, imisho efana nokuthi “bekulokhu kunjalo emndenini wethu” noma “wonke umuntu lapha uyakubekezelela buthule” yembula ukuba khona kwephethini elizuzwe njengefa.
La maphethini adluliselwa ngeziteshi eziningi ngasikhathi sinye. Enye yazo ukwenza isibonelo: izingane zibuka indlela abantu abadala ababhekana ngayo nentukuthelo, ukudabuka, injabulo, imali, noma ukusondelana bese zilingisa la maphethini, ngisho noma kungekho muntu obatshela ngokusobala ukuthi benzeni. Enye indlela ukubikezela umndeni, indlela echazwe nguBowen, lapho abazali bethula khona ukukhathazeka okungaxazululiwe komunye wezingane zabo, bebaguqula babe "umkhulumeli" wezingxabano zesimiso. Kukhona futhi nokuhlukaniswa ngokomzwelo: lapho umuntu ehlukana nomndeni wakhe ngaphandle kokucubungula ukuthi yini eholele kulokhu kuhlukana, uphatha iphethini naye futhi avame ukuyiveza ebuhlotsheni abakha ngaphandle kwekhaya.
Indlela yokubona nokuchaza kabusha imingcele yezizukulwane ezahlukene
Ukuqonda amaphethini akho ezizukulwane ezahlukene kunzima ngoba lokho okuphindaphindiwe kugcina kubhekwa njengokujwayelekile. Isibonelo, uma izingxabano bezigwenywa njalo ekhaya, umuntu ukhula ekholelwa ukuthi "ukuphikisana akudingekile" futhi angase azizwe enecala noma esaba noma nini lapho ezama ukuveza ukungavumelani. Isinyathelo sokuqala sokumisa imingcele enempilo phakathi kwezizukulwane ukwenza kubonakale lokho obekungabonakali iminyaka eminingi.
Ithuluzi eliwusizo kakhulu kulokhu yi-genogram yemizwa. Lolu uhlobo lomuthi womndeni oluqopha hhayi amagama nezinsuku kuphela, kodwa futhi nekhwalithi yobudlelwano (obuseduze, obukude, obuphikisanayo), izehlakalo ezibalulekile (izehlukaniso, izifo, ukufuduka, ukufa ngaphambi kwesikhathi), kanye namaphethini aphindaphindayo (ukusetshenziswa kabi kwezidakamizwa, ukunqamula izibopho, imishado ephindaphindayo ebangeni elifanayo leminyaka, njll.). Ngokumaka izizukulwane ezintathu, abantu abaningi bathola ukuvumelana nokuphindaphinda ababengakaze bakuqaphele ngaphambili.
Enye indlela ehambisanayo iwukuxoxa namalungu omndeni amadala—o-anti, omalume, ogogo nomkhulu, abazala bezizukulwane zangaphambilini—ubabuza imibuzo evulekile mayelana nokuthi “izinto zazinjani ngaphambili.” Ukubuza ukuthi ubani ngempela owenza izinqumo, ukuthi izingxabano zaxazululwa kanjani, ukuthi yiziphi izihloko ezazingavunyelwe etafuleni lesidlo sakusihlwa, noma ukuthi yikuphi ukwesaba okwakukhona njalo kusiza ekwakheni kabusha ukucabanga kwangaphakathi komndeni ngokuhamba kwesikhathi nokuqonda ukuthi izimo zengqondo ezithile zamanje zivelaphi.
Ukuphula noma ukuguqula iphethini yezizukulwane ezahlukene kusho ukwandisa ukuzihlukanisa, umqondo oyinhloko emsebenzini kaBowen. Lokhu kusho ukukwazi ukugcina ukuxhumana ngokomzwelo nomndeni—ngaphandle kokunqamula ubudlelwano ngokuphelele—ngesikhathi esifanayo usekela ukuma kwakho ezindabeni ezibalulekile (ukukhulisa izingane, ubudlelwano, ezezimali, izinto eziza kuqala ekuphileni). Umuntu onolwazi oluthe xaxa angalalela ukugxekwa, ukusolwa, noma ukumelana ngaphandle kokuvumela ngokuzenzakalelayo noma ukusabela ngobutha.
Uma uzama ukushintsha iphethini, cishe kuqinisekisiwe ukuthi uhlelo lomndeni luzosabela ngamandla. UBowen uchaze lokhu njengempendulo ye-homeostatic: umndeni uzama ukubuyisela ibhalansi endala ngokucindezela ilungu elishintshayo. Imisho efana nokuthi "awusafani," "ubulokhu uhlukile selokhu waqala ukwelashwa," noma "kuhlale kusebenza ngale ndlela lapha" iyizimpawu ezijwayelekile zale ndlela. Ukugcina umngcele omusha, ngaphandle kokuwela ezingxabanweni ezingapheli noma ukunqamula okungazelelwe, kuwumsebenzi obucayi kodwa ongaba khona.
Kubalulekile ukukhumbula ukuthi kukhona namaphethini amahle phakathi kwezizukulwane okufanele aqiniswe. Ubumbano ezikhathini ezinzima, amahlaya asiza ukunqoba izinkinga, ukubaluleka kwemfundo, ikhono lokusebenza njengeqembu, ubuhlakani, noma ukholo olunikeza injongo empilweni kuyizibonelo zefa elingokomzwelo elidluliselwa futhi liqinise izizukulwane ezintsha. Ukuhlonza lawa mafa anempilo kusiza ukulinganisela umbono womuntu ngomndeni wakhe, ukuqaphela kokubili ukuthi yini ebuhlungu nokuthi yini evikelayo.
Ubudlelwano bezizukulwane ezahlukene ngaphandle komndeni: ithuba lokuxhumana nabantu
Uma sicabanga ngezizukulwane, asisho njalo ukuthi sikhuluma ngomuthi womndeni kuphela. Siphinde sikhulume ngamaqembu eminyaka (izingane, intsha, abantu abadala, asebekhulile) ahlala ndawonye emphakathini ofanayo, ngokuvamile ezindaweni ezihlukene. Kodwa-ke, ubudlelwano bezizukulwane ezahlukene obenzeka ngaphandle komndeni—ezikoleni, ezinhlanganweni, ezindaweni zomakhelwane, ezinhlelweni zokuzithandela—bubaluleke njengobudlelwano ngaphakathi kwekhaya.
Empeleni, ubudlelwano phakathi kwezizukulwane ngaphandle komndeni buyenzeka lapho abantu bobudala obuhlukene kakhulu behlanganyela imisebenzi, izingxoxo, kanye nokuhlangenwe nakho njalo. Lokhu kungahlelwa yizikhungo (izinhlelo ezikoleni, izikhungo zasemini, izingadi zasemadolobheni) noma kuvele ngokuzenzakalelayo, isibonelo, phakathi komakhelwane abavame ukuya epaki elifanayo, ekilabhini, noma enhlanganweni yomakhelwane.
Nokho, umphakathi wanamuhla uvame ukuhlukanisa izikhala ngokweminyaka. Kukhona imisebenzi yabantwana, imishini yentsha, izifundo zabantu abadala, izikhungo zasemini zabantu asebekhulile, kodwa akuvamile ukuba khona izindawo eziklanyelwe kusukela ekuqaleni ukwamukela abantu bazo zonke lezi zigaba zobudala ndawonye. Lokhu kuhlukana kudala ibanga, imibono engajwayelekile, kanye "nobumpumputhe" obuthile ezidingweni zabanye.
Ukukhuthaza ubumbano phakathi kwezizukulwane ngaphandle kweyunithi yomndeni kuyindlela enamandla yokulwa nalokhu kuhlukana komphakathi. Uma abantu abadala behlanganyela njengezisebenzi zokuzithandela ezikoleni, babelana ngezindaba zokuphila ezikhungweni zentsha, beshintshana ngolwazi ezingadini zomphakathi, noma bemukela abafundi baseyunivesithi emakhaya abo, bakha amabhuloho azuzisa wonke umuntu ohilelekile.
Phakathi kwezinzuzo eziningi zalobu budlelwano, ukudluliselwa kolwazi kanye nokuhlangenwe nakho kuyagqama, kanye... Ukunciphisa isizungu kubantu abadala, ukuthuthukiswa kozwela kubantu abasha kanye nokuncipha kobandlululo mayelana nokuguga noma ubusha. Intsha ayisaboni abantu abadala njengabantu “abangathandi izinto ezindala” abakude, futhi abantu abadala bathola intsha enelukuluku, enekhono, nezinikele, ehluke kakhulu esithombeni esivame ukuvezwa “sentsha evilaphayo.”
Sekuvele kunezibonelo eziningi zezinhlelo eziphumelelayo zezizukulwane ezahlukene. Kwezinye izifunda, amaqembu abesifazane asebekhulile ahamba nabafuduki abasanda kufika, ebabonisa indawo, ebafundisa izindlela zokupheka zendawo, futhi ebasiza ngokuhlanganiswa kwamasiko. Kwezinye, abantu asebekhulile bamukela abafundi baseyunivesithi emakhaya abo ukuze bathole ubungane kanye nezipho ezincane zansuku zonke. Kunezikole zamabanga aphansi ezamukela izisebenzi zokuzithandela ezindala ukuxoxa izindaba, ukuchaza imisebenzi yezandla yakudala, noma ukuhamba nazo. Inani lezingadi zasemadolobheni lapho abantu asebekhulile befundisa khona amasu ezolimo ezinganeni nasebancane nalo liyakhula.
Kuye kwasungulwa nezinhlelo ezintsha nakwamanye amazwe, njengemiklamo ehlanganisa intsha kanye nabantu asebekhulile ukuze kubuyiselwe inkumbulo yomlando wendawo, noma izindawo ezihlanganyelwe lapho isikhungo sasemini, isikole sabantwana kanye nesikole kusebenza khona esakhiweni esifanayo. Kulezi zimo, imisebenzi ehlangene iyinto yansuku zonke, futhi ukuxhumana phakathi kwezizukulwane kube yingxenye yomklamo wesikhala kusukela ekuqaleni.
Ukuze la maphrojekthi achume, kudingeka ukuzibophezela okucacile kwezepolitiki kanye nezenhlalo ekudaleni izikhala zezizukulwane ezahlukene. Akwanele ukulungisa izakhiwo ezenzelwe iqembu lobudala elilodwa ngendlela ehlelekile; kubalulekile kusukela ekuqaleni ukucabanga ngezinsiza nezinhlelo ezenza kube lula ukuhlangana okunenjongo phakathi kwezingane, intsha, abantu abadala kanye nabantu asebekhulile, ngemisebenzi wonke umuntu anganikela futhi amukele kuyo.
Ngokombono wabantu abadala asebekhulile, ukubamba iqhaza emisebenzini yezizukulwane ezahlukene kuletha izinzuzo ezicacile zokuzethemba, amandla, kanye nomuzwa wenjongo. Uma benomuzwa wokuthi basengakwazi ukufaka isandla—ngesikhathi sabo, amakhono abo okulalela, amahlaya, kanye nokuhlangenwe nakho—banciphisa imizwa yokungabi nalusizo, isizungu, kanye nokuzihlukanisa, futhi baba namandla ngokwengeziwe lapho bebhekene nobunzima besikhathi esizayo.
Enhliziyweni yazo zonke lezi zinkinga—kusukela ekukhuleni kwemindeni ehlanganisa izizukulwane eziningi kuya ezinhlelweni zomphakathi ezihlanganisa izizukulwane eziningi—kukhona inselele efanayo: ukuthola imingcele ecacile ngenkathi kugcinwa izibopho zokusekela nothando phakathi kwezizukulwane. Lapho imindeni nomphakathi befunda ukulinganisela ukusondelana nokuhlonipha ukuzimela kweqembu ngalinye leminyaka, izingxabano ziba lula ukuzilawula, amaphethini angasebenzi kahle alahlekelwa amandla, futhi ubudlelwano phakathi kwezizukulwane abube yisisusa sokucindezeleka, esikhundleni salokho bube ngesinye sezinsiza ezibaluleke kakhulu zenhlalakahle yobumbano.
