Imibhangqwana eminingi engajabule ihlala ndawonye ngenxa yezizathu ezihlukahlukene, njengokwesaba isizungu, ukucindezela komphakathi, ukuncika ngokomzwelo, izinkinga zezimali, ukukhathazeka ngezingane, phakathi kwezinye izici. Lesi simo singaba yingozi empilweni engokomzwelo nasenhlalakahleni yalabo abahilelekile, kodwa ngokuvamile ubunzima bokubhekana namaqiniso nokwenza izinqumo ezinzima kugcina le mibhangqwana ihlangene, ngisho noma ingajabulile. Kulo mongo, kubalulekile ukucabanga ngezizathu eziholela laba bantu ukuthi bahlale ebudlelwaneni obungajabulisi futhi bafune izindlela zokuthuthukisa ukuzazi nokukhula komuntu siqu ukuze baphishekele injabulo nokwaneliseka komuntu siqu.
Isiphi isizathu esikhulu esiholela ekutheni imibhangqwana ihlukane?
Esinye sezizathu eziyinhloko ezenza imibhangqwana ihlukane ukuntula ukukhulumisana. Abantu bavame ukugcina imizwa yabo nokukhungatheka kubo, okungaholela ekucasukeni nasezingxabanweni ezingaxazululeki. Ngaphezu kwalokho, ukuntuleka kokukhulumisana kungavimbela imibhangqwana ekuqondeni izidingo nezifiso zomunye nomunye, kudale ibanga elingokomzwelo.
Esinye isici esibalulekile ukuntuleka kokuzinikela. Lapho oyedwa noma bobabili abalingani bengazimisele ukutshala isikhathi nomzamo ebudlelwaneni, kuvame ukugqoka. Umshado udinga ukuzinikela nokuzinikela kubo bobabili abashadile ukuze uphumelele futhi ukhule ngokuhamba kwesikhathi.
Ngaphezu kwalokho, ukuntuleka kwenhlonipho nokwethembana nakho kungaholela ekwehlukaneni kombhangqwana. Lapho umlingani oyedwa ezizwa engahlonishwa noma edelelwa, ubudlelwano bungagcina bungapheli. Ngokufanayo, ukuntuleka kokwethembana kungase kucekele phansi isisekelo sobuhlobo futhi kuholele ekuhlukaneni.
Kungani imibhangqwana eminingi engajabule ihlala ndawonye? Ngokuvamile, ukwesaba isizungu, izinkinga zezimali, ukucindezela komkhaya, ngisho nethemba lokuthi izinto zizoba ngcono esikhathini esizayo kungagcina umbhangqwana undawonye, ngisho noma ungajabulile. Kubalulekile ukukhumbula ukuthi injabulo nenhlalakahle yabo bobabili abalingani kufanele kube yinto ehamba phambili ebudlelwaneni.
Imiphumela yomshado ongajabulisi: imithelela empilweni yomzimba nengqondo.
Umshado ongajabulisi ungaba nethonya elibi empilweni nasengqondweni yalabo abahilelekile. Imibhangqwana eminingi engajabule ihlala ndawonye ngezizathu ezihlukahlukene, kodwa kubalulekile ukuqaphela imiphumela emibi engase ilethwe yilesi simo.
Mayelana nempilo engokomzimba, ucwaningo lubonisa ukuthi abantu abasemishadweni engajabulile banamathuba amaningi okuba nezinkinga ezifana nesifo senhliziyo, umfutho wegazi ophakeme nokuphazamiseka kokulala. Ukucindezeleka njalo nokuntuleka kokusekelwa ngokomzwelo kungawenza buthaka isimiso somzimba sokuzivikela ezifweni, kwenze laba bantu bangenwe kalula ukugula.
Ngaphezu kwalokho, impilo yengqondo nayo ithintwa umshado ongajabulisi. Ukucindezeleka, ukukhathazeka, nezinye izinkinga zempilo yengqondo kuvame kakhulu emibhangqwaneni engajabule ngobudlelwano babo. Ukuntuleka kokukhulumisana, isizungu, nemizwa yokungabi nalusizo kungaholela ekwehleni kwempilo yengqondo ngisho nasekuthuthukisweni kokuphazamiseka kwengqondo okubi kakhulu.
Naphezu kwemiphumela emibi, imibhangqwana eminingi engajabule ihlala ndawonye ngenxa yokwesaba okungaziwa, izinkathazo zezimali, ukucindezela komphakathi, noma ngenxa nje yokuthi ikholelwa ukuthi ayikufanelekeli okungcono. Nokho, kubalulekile ukuqaphela ukuthi injabulo nenhlalakahle yomuntu siqu kufanele kube izinto eziza kuqala ebudlelwaneni.
Ngakho-ke, kubalulekile ukuthi imibhangqwana engajabule ifune usizo lochwepheshe, njengokwelashwa kwabashadile, ukuzama ukuxazulula izinkinga zabo futhi bathole isixazululo esinempilo. Ukungayinaki imiphumela emibi yomshado ongajabulisi kungaholela emiphumeleni engathi sína nakakhulu empilweni engokomzimba nengokwengqondo yalabo abahilelekile.
Ungabuqeda kanjani ubudlelwano obungajabulisi futhi uqhubeke nempilo yakho.
Ukuqeda ubuhlobo obungajabulisi kungaba yisinqumo esinzima, kodwa ngokuvamile kuyisinqumo esingcono kakhulu kubo bobabili abathintekayo. Imibhangqwana eminingi engajabule ihlala ndawonye ngenxa yokwesaba isizungu, ukungalondeki ngokwezimali, noma ngenxa nje yomkhuba. Nokho, ukuhlala ebuhlotsheni obungajabulisi kungabangela umonakalo omkhulu kunokuhle ngokuhamba kwesikhathi.
Ukuze uqede ubudlelwano obungajabulisi futhi uqhubeke nempilo yakho, kubalulekile ukuthi uqale uvume ukuthi isimo asisebenzi futhi nobabili nifanele ukujabula. Ukuveza ngokucacile imizwa yakho nezizathu zokuqeda ubuhlobo kubalulekile ekwehlukaneni okunempilo nokunenhlonipho.
Ukufuna ukwesekwa kubangani, umndeni, noma ngisho nomelaphi kungakusiza ukuthi ubhekane nemizwa enzima ephakamayo phakathi nenqubo yokuhlukana. Kubalulekile ukukhumbula ukuthi kuvamile ukuzwa ukudabuka, intukuthelo, nokudideka ngemva kokuhlukana, kodwa le mizwa ingeyesikhashana futhi iyingxenye yenqubo yokwelapha.
Uma ubudlelwano sebuphelile, kubalulekile ukugxila kuwena nasenjabulweni yakho. Lokhu kungase kuhlanganise ukuzijwayeza ukuzinakekela, ukuthola izinto ezintsha zokuzilibazisa nezithakazelo, noma ukuphishekela amathuba amasha omsebenzi noma ezemfundo.
Khumbula ukuthi ukuqeda ubuhlobo obungajabulisi akulona uphawu lokwehluleka, kodwa kuyisenzo sesibindi nobuqiniso. Ngokuzikhulula ebudlelwaneni obunobuthi, uzobe uvula isikhala sokuhlangenwe nakho okusha nobudlelwano obunempilo empilweni yakho.
Amathiphu okugqashula ebudlelwaneni obungajabulisi futhi uqhubekele phambili nempilo yakho.
Uma unamathele ebudlelwaneni obungajabulisi, yazi ukuthi awuwedwa. Abantu abaningi bahlala ebudlelwaneni obungabajabulisi ngenxa yokwesaba isizungu, ukuzethemba, noma ukunganeliseki nje. Kodwa kubalulekile ukukhumbula ukuthi ufanelwe ukujabula nokuba nobuhlobo obuhle. Nawa amanye amathiphu wokuzikhulula ebudlelwaneni obungajabulisi futhi uqhubekele phambili nempilo yakho.
1. Vuma ukuthi ubudlelwano abukuhle kuwe. Ngezinye izikhathi kulula ukujwayela ukungajabuli futhi ukholelwe ukuthi kuyinto evamile. Kodwa khumbula ukuthi ufanelwe ukujabula nokuthi akukuhle ukuhlala ebuhlotsheni obukulimazayo.
2. Khuluma nomlingani wakho. Ukuxhumana kubalulekile kunoma ibuphi ubudlelwano. Zama ukuveza imizwa yakho nezinto ezikukhathazayo ngokucacile nangenhlonipho. Mhlawumbe umlingani wakho naye akajabule, futhi ndawonye ningathola isisombululo noma ninqume ukuhamba ngezindlela zenu ezihlukene.
3. Funa ukusekelwa ngokomzwelo. Ukukhuluma nabangani, umndeni, noma umelaphi angakusiza ukuthi ucubungule imizwa yakho futhi unqume ukuthi yini engcono kakhulu kuwe. Ungesabi ukucela usizo.
4. Hlela ukuphuma kwakho. Uma unquma ukubuqeda ubuhlobo, yenza icebo lokuhamba ngokuphepha. Hlela izimali zakho, thola indawo yokuhlala, futhi uthembele ekwesekeni kwabasondelene nawe.
5. Zinakekele. Ngemva kokuhlukana, kubalulekile ukuzinika isikhathi sokuzinakekela. Zibandakanye emisebenzini ekwenza ujabule, unakekele impilo yakho engokomzimba nengokomzwelo, futhi ukhumbule ukuthi ufanelwe okungcono kakhulu.
Khumbula, kungokwemvelo ukuzwa ukwesaba nokungaqiniseki lapho ushiya ubuhlobo obungajabulisi, kodwa khumbula ukuthi ufanelwe ukujabula nokuba nobuhlobo obunempilo. Ungesabi ukuthatha lesi sinyathelo futhi uqhubekele phambili nempilo yakho.
Kungani imibhangqwana eminingi engajabule isandawonye?
Okuhlangenwe nakho komshado nobuhlobo kufanele kube okuzuzisayo, okucebisayo, nokwaneliseka kubo bobabili abalingani. Kodwa-ke, kunezimo eziningi lapho i-dynamics yombhangqwana ihluke kakhulu futhi basamelana nokugqashula isibopho.
Nakuba kuyiqiniso ukuthi kunezizathu eziningi ezenza abantu bazizwe benganelisekile noma bengajabule ebuhlotsheni babo , kunezinye izizathu eziningi ezenza bakhethe ukuhlala. Kodwa-ke, i-psychology yombhangqwana isahluleka ukuchaza ukuthi kungani eminye imibhangqwana engajabule ikwazi ukuhlukana, kanti eminye ayikwazi.
Ithiyori yokuncikana
Enye yezinkolelo-mbono ezamukelwa kabanzi ezizama ukuchaza lesi simo yi-Interdependence Theory. Yasungulwa izazi zokusebenza kwengqondo uHarold Kelley noJohn Thibault , le nkolelo-mbono ithi ilungu ngalinye lombhangqwana lihlola ukwaneliseka kwalo ngomshado noma ubudlelwano balo maqondana nezindleko nezinzuzo zalobo budlelwano.
Ngamanye amazwi, uma umlingani wethu efuna isikhathi esiningi nezinsiza, kodwa esinxephezela ngokuhlangabezana nezidingo zethu, noma, ngokuphambene nalokho, enikela kancane kithi, kodwa futhi efuna kancane, kungenzeka kakhulu ukuthi sizogcina ubuhlobo.
Isihluthulelo salo mbono ukuthi, yize izindleko ezibonwayo zingenkulu kunezinzuzo, kunamathuba amaningi okuba umbhangqwana uhlale ndawonye. Ngaphandle kwalokho, kungenzeka kakhulu ukuthi omunye wabo uzogcina enqamule ubudlelwano.
Ngakho-ke, ngokwenkolelo-mbono yokuncika komunye nomunye, lokhu kulinganisela kuyisisekelo sokuzibophezela . Ukuze sicacise kakhudlwana, ngokusho kukaKelley noThibaut, naphezu kokunganeliseki kombhangqwana, abantu abawubhalayo bazozizwa behileleke kakhulu ngenxa yalezi zizathu:
- Isikhathi esichithwe kubudlelwano . Ukuthatha isikhathi eside ebudlelwaneni kusho ukuthi abantu bayabona ukuthi sekwakhile into ebuhlungu kakhulu ukuthi ingabhidlizwa.
- Amalungu abashadile ayikwazi ukuthola ezinye izindlela ezingcono kunobudlelwano bamanje .
Izifundo zamanje
Nakuba iziphetho zezifundo zika-Kellet noThibault ze-Interdependence Theory zingase zisebenze kuze kube manje, kuyiqiniso ukuthi cishe zineminyaka engamashumi amahlanu ubudala nokuthi **ukuguquguquka kwemibhangqwana kuyashintsha njengoba umphakathi ushintsha**.
Kusobala ukucabanga ukuthi izinga lokwaneliseka komuntu ebudlelwaneni lincike kakhulu kulokho okulethwa yilobo budlelwano—okungukuthi, izinzuzo. Kodwa-ke, ucwaningo lwamuva lukhomba indima yezindinganiso zomuntu ngamunye, noma ngamanye amazwi, umqondo noma umqondo umuntu ngamunye anawo mayelana nokuthi ubuhlobo kufanele bube njani. Ngokwalezi zifundo, kungenzeka ukuthi umbhangqwana osebudlelwaneni obungasebenzi kahle ulondoloze leso sibopho ngoba nje izindinganiso zawo zobudlelwano bombhangqwana ziphansi.
Amacala lapho abantu bengajabule ngempela ebuhlotsheni babo kodwa begcina ukuzibophezela kwabo awachazeki kalula yi-Interdependence Theory. Kodwa-ke, izifundo ezenziwe yisazi sokusebenza kwengqondo uLevi Baker wase-University of North Carolina zinikeza okunye ukuqonda okungasisiza siqonde ukuthi kungani imibhangqwana eminingi engajabule ihlala ndawonye.
- Ungase ube nentshisekelo kokuthi: "Ungagwema kanjani izingxabano zozakwethu?"
Imiphumela
Ngokwemiphumela etholwe nguBaker nozakwabo, ukuzibophezela ebudlelwaneni akusekelwe kakhulu ezingeni lamanje lokwaneliseka kodwa kusekelwe kakhulu ezingeni elilindelekile lokwaneliseka esikhathini esizayo sobudlelwano. Ngamanye amazwi, abantu balondoloza ubudlelwano babo ngoba bakholelwa ukuthi ikhwalithi yobudlelwano izothuthuka ngokuhamba kwesikhathi noma ukuthi izinkinga zizovela ekugcineni.
Ngakho-ke, lapho wenza isibikezelo sokuthi umbhangqwana ongajabule ndawonye uzobugcina ubudlelwano babo noma cha, ukulindela ukwaneliseka kwesikhathi esizayo kuzoba isibikezelo esingcono kunokwaneliseka kwamanje kombhangqwana.
Nakuba ngokuqinisekile zikhona ezinye izici eziningi, umbono wokuthi okulindelwe injabulo kugcina ubuhlobo obungagculisi buqhubeka akuyona into engenangqondo ngokuphelele, njengoba kunjalo, ngemva kwakho konke, ubuhlobo besikhathi eside futhi kunengqondo ukucabanga ukuthi okuhle kuzokudlula okubi ngokuhamba kwesikhathi.
Ngemva kokuhlaziya idatha etholakele, uBaker wathola ukuthi ubudlelwano obunganelisi phakathi kwemibhangqwana bulandela izitayela ezimbili. Ngakolunye uhlangothi, ilungu elilodwa lombhangqwana lashiya ubudlelwano lapho lilindele ukuthi isimo singathuthuki, futhi ngaphezu kwalokho, lalicabanga ukuthi lingathola ezinye izindlela ezingcono ngaphandle kwalo. Ngakolunye uhlangothi, abantu bahlala ebuhlotsheni lapho belindele ukuthi buthuthuke, futhi ngaphezu kwalokho, babecabanga ukuthi abanakuthola lutho olungcono.
Ithonya lezici zomuntu siqu nezenhlalo
Nakuba izifundo zibonisa ukuthambekela okucacile, njengoba sishilo ekuqaleni kwalesi sihloko, kunezici ezihlukahlukene ezithonya isinqumo sokuqeda ubuhlobo esingajabulile kubo.
Izici zomuntu siqu, njengezinkolelo ngokubaluleka komshado nobudlelwano bomuntu siqu, zidlala indima ebalulekile. Kwabanye abantu, isizungu yisimo esingamukeleki, esibi kakhulu kunokuhlala ebudlelwaneni lapho uthando lungasekho khona.
Ukubaluleka umphakathi okubeke emshadweni noma ekuphileni njengombhangqwana, njengesimo esifanele, kunethonya elinamandla kubantu, abanye babo abafuna umngane womshado abangahlanganyela naye ukuphila kwabo, kungakhathaliseki ukuthi bajabule noma cha.
Kwezinye izimo, into egcina imibhangqwana ndawonye ukuba khona kwezingane . Bakha ukuguquguquka kombhangqwana lapho umlingani ngamunye ephila khona impilo efanayo kodwa abelana ngekhaya elifanayo, ehlala ndawonye kuthiwa ngenxa yezingane. Ngoba, ngokombono wabo, ukuhlukanisa ikhaya kubi kakhulu ezinganeni kunesimo samanje.
Enye indaba ehlukile ihilela izimo zengqondo nezinkolelo zenkolo mayelana nesehlukaniso . Labo abanobuhlobo obuqinile nenkolo yabo bangase benqabe ukubhekana nesehlukaniso ngenxa yezinkolelo zabo futhi besaba ukwenqatshwa umphakathi wabo wenkolo.
Iziphetho
Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi yisiphi isizathu sokunganeliseki, uma abantu sebesazi isimo somlingani wabo, bahlola amathuba abo noma izinketho zesikhathi esizayo . Uma lowo muntu eqaphela ukuthi unamathuba okuthola okuthile okungcono, cishe uzoqeda ubuhlobo, afune ukuqala kabusha.
Uma kubhekwa lokhu, kulula ukuqonda ukuthi kungani imibhangqwana esencane ibona ukwehlukana noma isehlukaniso njengento ezwakalayo kunemibhangqwana ekhulile.
Ezimweni lapho bengenakukwazi ukucabanga ngenye indlela engcono kunesimo samanje sombhangqwana, kungenzeka kakhulu ukuthi bazosilondoloza; ukuthola izindlela zokuthula izingxabano nokucabangelana njengabalingani bokuphila.