Ukuqeda ukwehlukana kungaba umsebenzi oyinselele kakhulu futhi obuhlungu kubantu abaningi. Lokhu kungenxa yokuthi ukuphela kobuhlobo kuhilela izinhlobonhlobo zemizwa enamandla, njengokudabuka, intukuthelo, ukukhungatheka, ngisho nomuzwa wecala. Ngaphezu kwalokho, ukulahlekelwa umlingani kungabangela imizwa yesizungu, ukwenqatshwa, nokuzethemba. Ubunzima bokuthola ukwehlukana kungahlotshaniswa nokwenza kahle ubudlelwano kanye nozakwethu wangaphambili, kanye nobunzima bokwamukela ushintsho nokuzivumelanisa neqiniso elisha. Ukunqoba ukuhlukana kudinga isikhathi, ukuzazi, ukusekelwa ngokomzwelo, nokuzimisela ukubhekana nokucubungula imizwa engemihle ehambisana nokuphela kobudlelwane.
Ubunzima bokunqoba ubudlelwano: izithiyo ezingokomzwelo kanye nezibopho ezingokomzwelo eziqhubekayo.
Ukunqoba ukuhlukana kungaba inqubo eyinselele kakhulu futhi ebuhlungu kubantu abaningi. Izithiyo ezingokomzwelo nezibopho ezingokomzwelo ezihlala isikhathi eside zingenza kube nzima ukunqoba futhi kuvimbele umuntu ukuthi aqhubekele phambili.
Esinye sezizathu eziyinhloko ezenza kube nzima kangaka ukuqeda ubuhlobo ukunamathelana ngokomzwelo esikwakhayo nomunye umuntu. Phakathi nesikhathi esichitha ndawonye, sakha izibopho ezijulile kanye nokuxhumana okuba yingxenye yalokho esiyikho. Ngakho-ke, lapho ubuhlobo buphela, kungokwemvelo ukuzizwa ubuhlungu obukhulu kanye nokungabi nalutho.
Ngaphezu kwalokho, sivame ukubheka omunye umuntu kanye nobudlelwano njengezinto ezinhle, sigxile kuphela ezinkumbulweni ezinhle futhi singazinaki izici ezimbi. Lokhu kungenza ukunqoba ukuhlukana kube nzima nakakhulu, njengoba sivame ukunamathela enguqulweni efiselekayo yesikhathi esidlule kanye nothandekayo.
Imizwa yokwenqatshwa nokulahlwa nayo ingadlala indima ebalulekile ebunzimeni bokunqoba ukuhlukana. Umuzwa wokungasafunwa noma ukungathandwa ungathinta kakhulu ukuzethemba komuntu nokuzethemba, okwenza kube nzima nakakhulu ukuqhubeka nokuphila.
Okokugcina, izibopho ezingokomzwelo eziqhubekayo zingagcina umuntu ebambeke esikhathini esidlule futhi zimvimbele ekwamukeleni iqiniso lokuphela kobudlelwano. Ngisho noma omunye umuntu engasekho ngokwenyama, izibopho ezingokomzwelo ziyaqhubeka zikhona futhi zithonya imizwa nokuziphatha komuntu.
Kafushane, ukunqoba ukuhlukana kuhilela ukubhekana nochungechunge lwezithiyo ezingokomzwelo nezibopho ezingokomzwelo ezihlala isikhathi eside. Kuyinqubo edinga isikhathi, isineke, nozwelo. Kubalulekile ukuzivumela ukuthi uzwe imizwa yakho, ufune ukusekelwa ngokomzwelo, futhi usebenzele ukwamukela isimo ukuze uqhubekele phambili futhi uthole injabulo futhi.
Ubunzima bokubhekana nokuphela kobudlelwano: qonda izizathu ezibangela lokho.
Kubantu abaningi, ukubhekana nokuhlukana kungase kube nzima kakhulu futhi kube buhlungu. Ubuhlungu bokuhlukana bungaba nzima futhi buhlale isikhathi eside, bushiye abanye bevaleleke emjikelezweni wokudabuka nokuhlupheka. Kodwa kungani kunzima kangaka ukuqeda ukuhlukana?
Esinye sezizathu zalobu bunzima ukunamathelana ngokomzwelo esikwakhayo nomuntu esasithandana naye. Ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, sakha izibopho ezijulile ngokomzwelo nomlingani wethu, okwenza ukuhlukana kube buhlungu nakakhulu. Ukuphela kobudlelwano kungasishiya sizizwa silahlekile futhi singenalusizo, njengokungathi ingxenye yethu isusiwe.
Ngaphezu kwalokho, ukungaqiniseki ngekusasa kungabangela ubunzima ekunqobeni ukuhlukana. Ngokuvamile, sijwayela ukuba khona njalo komlingani wethu empilweni yethu, futhi umqondo wokuqhubeka ngaphandle kwabo ungaba nzima. Okungaziwa kungasibangela ukukhathazeka nokwesaba, okwenza ukuhlukana kube nzima nakakhulu.
Esinye isici esingenza kube nzima ukunqoba ukuhlukana ukugcwaliseka kobuhlobo obudlule. Ngokuvamile, sivame ukukhumbula izikhathi ezimnandi kuphela esasinazo nomlingani wethu wangaphambilini, sikhohlwe izizathu ezaholela ekupheleni kobudlelwano. Lokhu kugcwaliseka kungasivimbela ekwamukeleni iqiniso lokuhlukana bese siqhubeka.
Okokugcina, ukuzethemba kungathinteka nangemva kokuhlukana, okungenza inqubo yokululama ibe nzima nakakhulu. Imizwa yokwenqatshwa, ukulahlwa, kanye nokungafaneleki ingavela, okusenza sizizwe singavikelekile futhi singakwazi ukuthola injabulo futhi.
Kubalulekile ukuqonda lezi zizathu ukuze sikwazi ukunqoba ukuhlukana ngendlela enempilo futhi siqhubeke nempilo yethu.
Kuthatha isikhathi esingakanani ukwedlula uthando bese uqhubekela phambili?
Ukudlula othandweni nokuqhubekela phambili kuyinqubo eyehluka kumuntu nomuntu. Alukho uhlaka lwesikhathi oluqondile noma ifomula yomlingo enquma ukuthi umuntu uzolulama nini ngokugcwele ekuhlukaneni. Umuntu ngamunye ubhekana nokuphela kobudlelwano ngendlela ehlukile, ecabangela ubuntu bakhe, izinto adlule kuzo, kanye nekhono lokulawula imizwa.
Abanye abantu badlula othandweni ngokushesha kunabanye. Kwabanye kungathatha amasonto noma izinyanga, kanti kwabanye kungathatha iminyaka. Okubalulekile wukuhlonipha isikhathi sakho futhi ungaziqhathanisi nokuthi kwathatha isikhathi esingakanani abanye ukuba badlule esimweni esifuze lesi.
Kungani kunzima kangaka ngathi ukunqoba ukwehlukana? Impendulo isebunkingeni bemizwa yethu kanye nesibopho esingokomzwelo esisidalayo nomuntu esimthandayo. Lapho sisothandweni, siba nezibopho ezijulile ezingokomzwelo eziba yingxenye yalokho esiyikho. Ukulahleka kwalezi zibopho kungaholela ekuzizweni ungelutho futhi ulahlekelwe ukuzazi.
Ngaphezu kwalokho, ubuhlungu bokuhlukana bungaqiniswa imizwa yokulahlwa, ukulahlwa, nesizungu. Ngokuvamile, umuntu oshiywayo ungabaza ukubaluleka kwakhe futhi azisole ngokuphela kobudlelwano. Le mizwa engemihle ingandisa inqubo yokululama futhi yenze kube nzima ukwamukela isimo.
Okokugcina, ukunqoba indaba yothando kungase futhi kuvinjwe imicabango ecindezelayo nenengqondo mayelana nomlingani wangaphambili. Kuvamile ukwenza umuntu omthandayo abe nombono ofanele futhi ubambelele ezinkumbulo ezinhle zobuhlobo, ungazinaki izici ezingezinhle eziholele ekupheleni.
Kubalulekile ukuzivumela ukuthi uzwe imizwa yakho, ufune ukusekelwa ngokomzwelo, futhi usebenzele ukuzethemba kwakho ngalesi sikhathi. Ngokuhamba kwesikhathi nokuzinikela, kungenzeka ukunqoba ukwehlukana futhi uthole injabulo futhi. Khumbula: into ebaluleke kakhulu ukuzinakekela nokuhlonipha isikhathi sakho sokuphulukisa.
Kuthatha isikhathi esingakanani ukuqeda ukuhlukana?
Ukunqoba ukuphela kobudlelwano bothando kuyinqubo eyinkimbinkimbi futhi eyinselele ehluka kumuntu nomuntu. Asikho isikhathi esibekiwe sokululama ngokugcwele ekuhlukaneni kwezothando, njengoba umuntu ngamunye ebhekana nemizwa ngendlela ehlukile futhi enezindlela ezihlukene zokubhekana nosizi.
Abanye ochwepheshe bathi, ngokwesilinganiso, kuthatha cishe izinyanga eziyisithupha kuya onyakeni ukuphulukisa ngokuphelele ukuhlukana. Kodwa-ke, lesi sikhathi singaba sifushane noma sibe side, kuye ngezici eziningana, njengobude bobuhlobo, ukuqina kwemizwa ehilelekile, kanye nekhono lomuntu ngamunye lokubhekana nobuhlungu bokuhlukana.
Kubalulekile ukugcizelela ukuthi ayikho indlela yomlingo yokunqoba ukuhlukana. Umuntu ngamunye udinga ukuhlonipha isikhathi sakhe sokwelapha futhi afune izindlela ezinempilo zokubhekana nemizwa, njengokukhuluma nabangane nomndeni, ukuzivocavoca umzimba, ukufuna usizo lochwepheshe, noma ukuzivumela ukuthi bezwe futhi bezwe usizi.
Pho, kungani kunzima kangaka ngathi ukuqeda ukuhlukana kwethu? Impendulo yalo mbuzo ingase ihlobane nokuqina kwezibopho ezingokomzwelo ezidalwe phakathi nobuhlobo, umuzwa wokulahlekelwa, nokwesaba okungaziwa. Ngaphezu kwalokho, ukwenza kahle kozakwethu nokuncika ngokomzwelo nakho kungakhinyabeza inqubo yokuphola.
Kubalulekile ukuzivumela ukuthi uzwe yonke imizwa yakho, ufune ukwesekwa ngokomzwelo, futhi utshale imali emisebenzini ethuthukisa ukuphila kahle nokuzethemba. Khumbula ukuthi ubuhlungu bokuhlukana bungokwesikhashana nokuthi, ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, kuyenzeka uthole ukuthula nenjabulo futhi.
Kungani kunzima kangaka ngathi ukuqeda ukuhlukana?
Ngokuphazima kweso, uMartin wezwa sengathi umhlaba wakhe uyahlukana phakathi kwakhe. Intombi yakhe, owesifazane abesehlale naye iminyaka engu-10 yokuphila kwakhe, yayisanda kumtshela ukuthi ayisamfuni, nokuthi usethandane nenye indoda, nokuthi wayehamba ekhaya ngalobo busuku.
Umuzwa wokungakholwa owawubambe uMartin ngaleso sikhathi wahlala izinsuku ngisho nezinyanga ehambile. Edangele futhi edidekile, waqhubeka ezibuza ukuthi ngabe kwenzekeni.
Wayevame ukuzulazula endlini eyedwa, ecwiliswe yimibuzo nemicabango emnyama. Ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, zonke izinhlobo zezikhathi ezijabulisayo zaqala ukufika engqondweni , ekhumbula isikhathi esingcono esasimhlupha njalo: wayekhumbula ukumamatheka kwentombi yakhe yangaphambilini, isikhathi sokugcina beya eholidini, ukuhamba ababehamba ndawonye ngezimpelasonto epaki lomakhelwane, ukwangana nezenzo zothando ababezisho, ukuphuma baye kuma-movie naseshashalazini, ukwabelana ngamahlaya, kanye nochungechunge lwezinkathi ezaziboniswa phambi kwamehlo akhe njengefilimu, ngokuphindaphindiwe.
Ngaphandle kwalokho, ngangivame ukuzizwa sengathi usesekhaya. Wamuzwa ngephunga, embona emi eduze kwefasitela legumbi lokuphumula, futhi ezwa uhleko lwakhe lwengane njengenanela, manje endaweni yakhe edabukisayo, eyincithakalo.
Wayengasekho, kodwa wayesephenduke isipoki esimhlupha lapho eya khona. Kwakuyindaba kaMartin leyo. Manje ngizokutshela enye indaba, ehluke kakhulu futhi efana kakhulu ngesikhathi esisodwa.
Ukuhlukana nokulahlekelwa ngokomzwelo
Njengoba nje uMartin elahlekelwe yintombi yakhe, uDiego walahlekelwa yingxenye yomzimba wakhe . Wayebe sengozini enkulu yemoto eyaholela ekuhlinzweni okuphuthumayo, lapho odokotela babengenakukhetha ngaphandle kokunquma isandla.
Into ethakazelisayo ngale ndaba, futhi ishiya ingxenye edabukisayo futhi ephawulekayo yendaba, ukuthi, ezinsukwini nezinyanga ezilandela ukuhlinzwa, u-Diego wezwa ukuthi isandla esasisusiwe kuye sasisekhona.
Wayazi kahle ukuthi manje useyisishosha. Eqinisweni, wayengagqolozela lapho isandla sakhe singekho. Ubufakazi obuphambi kwamehlo akhe babungenakuphikiswa. Kodwa naphezu kwalokhu, u-Diego akakwazanga ukuzibamba ezwa ukuthi isandla sakhe esilimele sasisekhona. Ngaphezu kwalokho, waqinisekisa odokotela ukuthi wayekwazi ukunyakazisa iminwe yakhe, futhi kwaba nezinsuku lapho intende yakhe yayiluma futhi wayengazi ukuthi enzenjani ukuze ayinwaye.
Isenzakalo esiyinqaba esithinte u-Diego sinegama… saziwa ngokuthi yi-phantom limb syndrome. Kuyisimo esibhalwe kahle ukuthi, njengayo yonke into empilweni, inemvelaphi yayo ekwakhiweni kobuchopho.
Isitho se-phantom
Ingxenye ngayinye yomzimba wethu inendawo ethile ebuchosheni. Izandla, iminwe, izingalo, izinyawo, nezinye izakhi zokwakheka komzimba womuntu kune-neural correlate ethize nebonakalayo. Kalula nje, wonke umzimba wethu umelelwe ebuchosheni, okungukuthi, uthatha indawo ethile eyakhiwe iqoqo lama-neurons axhumene.
Uma ishwa lisehlela futhi ngokuzumayo silahlekelwa umlenze engozini, lokho okunyamalala ngokushesha emzimbeni wethu umlenze wangempela, kodwa hhayi izindawo zobuchopho lapho lowo mlenze umelelwe khona.
Kufana nalokho okwenzekayo uma sisusa ikhasi encwadini: lelo spreadsheet elithile ngeke lisaba yingxenye yevolumu okukhulunywa ngayo; noma kunjalo, lizoqhubeka likhona ku-index. Sibhekene lapha negebe phakathi kwalokho okufanele sibe nakho nalokho esinakho ngempela.
Enye indlela yokuyiqonda iwukucabanga ngendawo yeqiniso yezwe kanye nokumelelwa kwalo kwe-cartographic, okuwukuthi, indawo lelo zwe elikuyo ebalazweni lomhlaba... Igagasi elikhulukazi elinamandla lingenza iJapane icwilise olwandle, kodwa kusobala ukuthi iJapane izoqhubeka nokuba khona kuwo wonke amamephu esikole ahlakazeke ebusweni bomhlaba.
Ngokunjalo, uma kusukela osukwini olulodwa kuya kolunye, uDiego oneshwa engasenaso isandla sokudla, kodwa ubuchopho bakhe busekhona, umfana ompofu kulindeleke ukuba abe nomuzwa wokuthi angakwazi ukuthwala izinto ngesitho sakhe esilahlekile, adlale ngeminwe yakhe, noma ngisho nokunwaya isinqe sakhe lapho kungekho muntu ombhekile.
Ubuchopho obuvumelana nezimo
Ubuchopho yisitho esivumelana nezimo, esinekhono lokuzihlela kabusha. Ngezinjongo zaleli cala, lokhu kusho ukuthi indawo yobuchopho lapho isandla sika-Diego esilimele samila khona ayifi noma inyamalale.
Ngokuphambene nalokho, ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, njengoba amangqamuzana ezinzwa engasatholi ukwaziswa kwezinzwa endaweni ezungezile, njengokuthinta, ukushisa, nokubanda, ayayeka ukufeza umsebenzi wawo othile. Njengoba singekho isizathu sokuba bahlale lapho, njengoba ukuba khona kwabo kungenasizathu, izinzwa ezingasebenzi zisetshenziswa kwenye indawo emzimbeni. Zivame ukuthuthela ezindaweni ezingomakhelwane zobuchopho. Bashintsha amaqembu, ngomqondo ongokomfanekiso.
Ngokusobala, lokhu akwenzeki ngobusuku obubodwa. Ubuchopho buthatha izinyanga neminyaka ukukucubungula. Phakathi nalesi sikhathi sokuguquka, kungenzeka ukuthi umuntu othintekile uphila ngaphansi kombono ongamanga , ekholelwa ukuthi kukhona okusekhona lapho, empeleni, kungekho lutho.
Ukufana
Manje, i-alien hand syndrome ihlobene kanjani noMartin ompofu kanye nentombi yakhe ebalekile abanikeza lesi sihloko isihloko saso?
Nokho, ngandlela thile, njengoba izingxenye zethu zomzimba ezihlukene azifani nje kuphela nokumelela ngokomzimba ebuchosheni, kodwa nakho konke esikwenzayo emini, okuhlangenwe nakho kwethu okuhluke kakhulu.
Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi sifunda izifundo zesi-Czech noma sidlala i-clarinet, ukufunda okuwumphumela kubangela ukuhlelwa kabusha okungokoqobo kwezifunda ezithile zobuchopho. Lonke ulwazi olusha lubandakanya ukuqashwa kwezinkulungwane ngezinkulungwane zama-neurons, ukuze lolu lwazi olusha lulungiswe futhi lulondolozwe isikhathi eside.
Okufanayo kuya kuClarita, owesifazane uMartin ayehlala naye. Ngemva kweminyaka eminingi yokuthandana kanye nenqwaba yokuhlangenwe nakho ndawonye, wathatha indawo ethize engqondweni yakhe, njengoba nje isandla esilahlekile sasithatha indawo ethile ku-Diego's.
Njengoba isandla sesisusiwe futhi uClarita esehambile, izingqondo ezimbili zizodinga isikhathi sokuzivumelanisa nezimo ezintsha ; zibambelele esikhathini esidlule, ngeke zenze lutho ngaphandle kokuphonsa abafana ababili imibono ekhohlisayo yeqiniso elingasekho. Ngakho-ke, ngenkathi uDiego enomuzwa wokuthi usabambe isandla, uMartín uzwa ukuba khona kukaClarita, futhi bobabili bahlupheka kakhulu ngenxa yokungafani okukhulu ngokomzwelo okuvela njalo lapho beqaphela ukuthi sekuhambile.
Inkinga ayigcini lapho
Kunesici esibhebhezelayo, futhi lowo umuzwa wokungakhululeki ovela lapho ubuchopho obudala, obusetshenzisiwe bungakutholi obukufunayo.
Uma othile esithatha, isimiso sezinzwa esiyinhloko siqala ukukhulula inani elikhulu lento ebizwa ngokuthi i-dopamine. Kuyi-neurotransmitter, kulokhu, umsebenzi wayo ukuvuselela lokho okwaziwa ngokuthi isekethe yomvuzo wobuchopho, ephethe umuzwa wenhlalakahle nokwaneliseka okubonisa ukuba sothandweni.
Ngakolunye uhlangothi, i-dopamine eyeqile ezungeza kuma-neurons ethu ivimba isifunda esibizwa nge-prefrontal cortex, okwenzeka njengesihlalo sebhayoloji sokucabanga okucabangisisayo, ukwahlulela okubucayi, nekhono lokuxazulula izinkinga. Ngamanye amazwi, lapho singena othandweni, ikhono lokucabanga nokwenza ngobuhlakani liya embuthanweni wesikhombisa wesihogo nangale kwalokho.
Uphuphuthekiswe futhi umangazwe uthando
Ukuthandana kusenza sibe yiziwula kancane, futhi lokho kufeza injongo yokuziphendukela kwemvelo. Njengoba siphuphuthekiswe uthando, ukungakwazi ukubona amaphutha omlingani wethu kusiza ukuqinisa isibopho ngokushesha. Uma umuntu okukhulunywa ngaye esihlaba umxhwele, ebonakala ephelele, engenazo izici ezimbi, kuzosenza sifune ukuchitha isikhathi esiningi naye, okuzokwandisa amathuba okugcina embhedeni, sibe nezingane, futhi siqhubeke sigcwala umhlaba. Ngendlela, yilokho kuphela okubaluleke kakhulu ezizakhini zethu zofuzo.
Kodwa-ke, uma ngesizathu esithile ubudlelwano buphazanyiswa unomphela, isifunda somvuzo siphucwa umthombo wawo we-dopamine, okubangela ukuhoxa kwangempela kwesifo. Esikhundleni salokho, umjikelezo wokucindezeleka uyasebenza, futhi isithandwa sihlupheka njengesiboshwa esingakwazi ukuthola lokho okufunwa ubuchopho ngokuphikelela.
Njengomlutha wotshwala noma wezidakamizwa oselulamayo, umakoti noma umkhwenyana olahliwe angase enze zonke izinhlobo zezenzo zobuwula neziwubuwula ukuze abuyiselwe othandekayo wakhe.
Isikhathi esithathwayo ukuze ubuchopho buzivumelanise nalokhu kuphazamiseka yilokho okwaziwa ngokuthi usizi , futhi ngokuvamile kuyahlukahluka kumuntu nomuntu, njengoba kuncike ohlotsheni nasekuqineni kwesibopho, ukuxhumana ngokwako, kanye nokubaluleka esikunikeza kona. Silahlekelwe ngubani?